Ok I admit it. I created this blog to rant.
Is that a bad thing?
The back (read: boring story)
I am in a relationship. I am in love. This has being going on for over a year. Before that (right before, cough, cough), I was in a relationship that lasted almost 3 years. I am now realizing how similar both the men in my life have been. fyi: I am 23. Their similarities, are freaking me out. More importantly, I get mad at them for identical things, which just suggests that it is my own insecurities and neuroses, playing out over and over.
How do I overcome this? It makes me sad that he no longer looks at me with such unconditional adoration. It makes me sad how easily I irritate him. It makes me frustrated how annoying I can be. But I just keep doing the same thing over and over....
I do think I have given him too much info. I tell him about every crazy thing that I think, which surely makes him think differently of me (wow you are not the hot smart confident woman I thought you were) and gives him the upper hand. I tell him everything. I know he does not do the same for me.
most recent "sunshine trigger"
I confess, I know his friendster/myspace/facebook page and he does not know that I do.
For the most part there is nothing on there to offend. But recently:
he is going out with a male buddy of his I have never met. He is not inviting me. He has invited some other girl to go with him, an old friend of his I have also never met. He has not told me this. Last time he hung out with this gir he did not invite me.
Should I be suspicious/angry? I am, honestly.
thoughts?
(yes I know no one reads this, but nonetheless)
3 comments:
some people do read your blog, don't be fooled ;)
You say you see similarities in your current and previous partner. Maybe that's because subconsciously we sometimes attract the same sort of people, send out the same vibes... ?
One definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over and expecting a different result. I think of that often when I wonder why certain things happen in my life.
Have you talked to him about all this? What makes you sad, what bothers you?
Hi Dee,
I have spoken to him about how insecure I get, but I am realizing that I might regret this. I don't know if I really like him knowing how "weak" I am. I also worry that it makes him less interested in me, making more insecure...
I can't talk to him about what is bugging me about Friday, becaue I am not supposed to know. I guess this is what I get for finding his website and snooping.
You can admit that you feel insecure about certain things. It takes a bit of courage to do so but if he loves you he will try to understand. Don't say you've snooped, just tell him you feel excluded when he goes out with other people and why is he not spending more time with you.. that sort of thing.
How old is he ?
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